Day Off

When we got back Saturday we unpacked stuff and then Shaun realized that it was a two hour drive to where the wakeboarding competition was taking place and it was two o'clock right then and that the contest was done at 4. Pointless, thank goodness. I really didn't feel like going to this thing where there were going to be skinny little girls in bikinis. I would have not gone. But then Shaun realized taht Pat was playing in Sheboygan Falls which is really close. So we went to watch Pat and stood the whole time. It was hot but fun. Then we drove down to Milwaukee and ate at La Fuente. Mmmmmmmm. Nummy. After that we went to Shank Hall to see Pat (again, yes, I know! It was Pat overload.) And I had my two ID's to get in. The picky guy was working. There was a bachelorette party. The only penises they had was cookies. Then they tried passing them out. I declined. Cory and Luana and Angie and her friend Jason showerd up. So it was fun. I had a sweet brandy oldfashioned and it SUCKED. I'd had one up at the cabin and it was good, but this one wasn't! After Pat we stayed at Cory's house and we talked about Cory's girl issues. And homecoming. And lots of stuff. Sunday morning we went to lunch at Dave's. I vetoed Jimmy John's, but Shaun's happy because now we know where it's at. I'm sure I'll end up going there sometime. Then we came back here and I relaxed for a couple of hours until it was time for work. Everyone was saying all night long about how we were going to get out at 10 (I forgot Target closes at 9 Sundays) but we didn't. Of course. I believe it was about 11:15 when we left. The reason: there was no midday zone, so everything was completely messed up from the (busy!) day's worth of business. There was no midday zone because there were 11 pull carts that were getting done then. Yeuck. We left with about 1.25 carts worth of stuff to reshop.

Cory... push the little button by the screen... no... no! Ugh, just give me the damn camera....

Finale: Pat, Shaun, Luana, Cory and the Drunken Cowboy

Cabin

We got to the cabin at about 10:30 and then sat around and did nothing for a while. It was nice, a whole week of sitting around and doing nothing. I wish the weather would have cooperated more so that I actually could have gone IN the water. It was really only sunny Monday and Tuesday but so windy everything go really cold. It never really got much warmer than lower 70's. I was wearing a sweatshirt most of the week. It was horrid, I was never actually hungry the entire week because there was so much to munch on and I have no willpower. The cottages were super nice but when you have 7 people in one cabin with 5 chairs it can get a little... cramped. We went to Minocqua a few times, it was a really nice little tourist town (with really great fudge!) and it had LOTS of mini golf, horseback riding and go-karts. We also went to Boulder Junction which was another cute little tourist trap of a town. The ATM had a $2.50 fee!! You know you're in the middle of nowhere when you can charge that much! But it was soo north-woodsy, with SO many deer! Many more than anyplace I've been in Minnesota. We ate a pizza place called Vinchi's that baited deer and bear (beer?) and raccoons. Even though I think the deer and racoons are accidental. But I've never seen deer eat fig newtons before! And I guess the racoon that came out weighed about 50 lbs! I suppose so, if all it eats is fig newtons. And we missed the bear, but I do get to see those in my back yard, I guess. We went mini-golfing, and Shaun and I were supposed to go horseback riding, but he's such a chicken. I mean my God, I went skiing YEARS ago and the deal was that he'd ride a horse if I went skiing. that was about the most interesting things we did.


Shaun and Steve helping the kids learn how to learn how to kneeboard. The new rush after tubes but before learning how to wakeboard.


This is the morning we left. Of course. It was simply gorgeous. I wish I had a pro-sumer camera to take better pictures and do it justice. There was dew on the ground and the sun caught it and it sparkled and turn the grass a blue-green.


I loved the conrast of the yellow and green. And the abstractness of it, also. You can tell that it's a chair but not at the same time.


I wish I was back there.

Home

We got to take Shaun's parent's car to my house since it's the only way they would get their bikes otherwise. The drive seemed like nothing in that nice car. We got to my house at about 12:30 a.m. Mom was still up waiting for us. We chatted for a few minutes and I showed her pictures on my laptop before the bleeping battery died. Stupid thing only holds half its charge anymore. And of course, I forgot my AC cable. Shaun, Jennifer and I had lunch at the Grand Grill Americana. Then Jennifer stayed while Shaun left to go to Rob's cabin. Mom Jenny and I worked on rearranging the little room in my parent's shop to get stuff that was in cardboard boxes into plastic bins. Hopefully we'll have someplace to put those soon!! Anyways... When we had stopped at Daggett's to get some cake mix for cupcakes we saw my uncle Scott and I told him to come over that night so that we could hang out. I also asked him to bring Sarah, my aunt's pomeranian. Scott was house-sitting for her in Hinckley. Jennifer left and it was about 7 when Scott showed up. It was nice chatting with him and Mom. I just get to see my family so rarely and since we almost all live so close and spend so much time together, it's hard. Shaun called at about 9 to see if I wanted to go to Pizza Pub in Sandstone but I didn't really feel like being looked at and being nice to people I didn't know. Scott left and then Shaun came home at 11. He had been 4-wheeling all evening so he'd had fun.



Sarah! :)


Sunday was the day to bury my Grandma. We went to have lunch at Peggy's first to have lunch. Fried chicken, milk gravy, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob and creamy cucumbers. And cupcakes for dessert. Delicioso. It'd been so long since I'd had fried chicken! Then we headed to town to accomplish the hard part. It was a tough time, but we all did it. She was buried on top of my cousin Jared. I thought it was fitting, and that she'd be happy there. After that we went to Tobies to have a couple drinks and to spend some time together. Alissa, Connie, my mom and I talked wedding stuff. Which I am getting sick of, haha. But Connie is going to pay for the flowers which is so unexpected and sweet of her! She belongs to a warehouse in the cities and they have some gorgeous silk flowers. It's going to end up looking a little different than most stuff you see, but so far I love it! Charlotte, Amelia and Tucker caused a ruckus. Tucker does NOT like sharing. Too funny. Dick and Shirley (my great aunt and uncle) were having a great time. Shirley kept up on the bloody Marys. She got just a lil bit toasted and was hilarious. She thought my dad was a quiet reserved guy! Too funny. Dick accidentally spilled beer on my skirt, which was funny. I kept teasing him all afternoon. Peggy wanted to stay for the karoke, but my mom was completely exhausted so we three went back home. We relaxed there and then went to bed. But I did get to talk to dad, which was very nice. We got up at 6 Monday to leave for the cabin.

Here it is!

The B I G update. I don't know really how to break it up, so I'll break it up into events. Home, Cabin, Day off. Here goes!

I'm BAAAACK!

Just thought I'd let you all know, in case there is anyone interested. I don't have time to do a big update today (and big it will be!) because I have to work 4:30 - 10 tonight. Thank goodness I only have to work until 10!! That means I don't have to stay until 11:30! YAAY! Anyways, more tomorrow~!

Vacay in the works

Just got back from work. It was the coolest thing: the moon and stars were out shining, but behind me in my mirrors I could see this huge thunderhead that would occasionally be lit up from the inside with lightning. It makes me wonder how you can take that bit of nature and make it something tangible?

Anyways, I get to work tomorrow from 8 - 4:30. It's going to KILL me. My feet are killing me the way it is. And they smell. Phew. So much for expensive and fancy shox shoes. I'll just wear my old ones from 10th grade. They're muuuch more comfy. Then after that we're heading to Hinckley. I miss my mom so much. Makes me wonder how I'd ever live in Colorado like we thought we were? Maybe because then I'd be living someplace I want to. Then it's off to Minocqua for vacation. That should be nice. I deserve one! I just hope that they let me have Jenny Mickey's wedding weekend off. I told the HR person on the day of my orientation that I needed to do that. I've been committed since my sophomore year! They had me scheduled for this coming week, even though the HR person said she'd take care of it. So... makes me wonder. But I put my request for time off in the appropriate person's mailbox. She graduated from Stout, too. And her boyfriend still goes there, I guess. If they don't give me the time off, I'll just have to not show. I hope they don't make me do that to them.

So I'll not be updating until a week from Saturday at the soonest. Hope you all have a great week! Now I'm going to read my book for a little bit and then go snuggle with honey-poohs. I missed him last night. :( And I'm feeling better since my post about being numb. We're working it out. So don't worry about me!

Life update

Wow. I must have said some pretty heavy stuff in my last two posts. No one wanted to comment! Anyways...


Today Shaun had an interview at Liquid Container, Inc. in Sturdevant, WI. It's right by Racine and 10 minutes from Kenosha. Chicago is a short train ride from there. Shaun said he really likes the guy who interviewed him and the company seems pretty cool. The guy who interviewed him would be his direct supervisor and says that he wants a guy that's new so that he can groom him for the job. The guy's boss wants someone with 5-10 years experience. The guy said that those people would be out of their pay bracket. He told Shaun that he was the first guy that he's interviewed. He wants to get someone hired really quickly. He also said that he'd tell his boss that Shaun was one of the few guys that he liked. He seems like a fun, quirky guy. So we'll see how this works out. It's 7 hours and 8 minutes away from Hinckley, MN

He also has an interview at Hormel Foods in Austin, MN on Thursday. I hope all goes well. It sounds like a job that Shaun would really like since it's not just a desk job. It allows him to go out on the floor and get stuff done. It is 3 hours away from Hinckley, MN.

If we go anywhere I would get a part-time job. So that I could hopefully go to Minnesota and get stuff done. I have to. I'd drop down to part-time at Target, but at the wage I'm earning it's not really worth it.

Cutting more paper for the invitations and getting the look of the insterts nailed down. I like the way they look now. I just hope everyone else is as impressed with them as I am. I still have to order more grosgrain ribbon to make the ties. But now I'm thinking about doing some invitiations in blue with gray ribbon and some white ones with icy blue ribbon. H'mmm, I dunno. Alissa called me today to talk about wedding stuff with me. She told me that I should come up to the cities and stay with her for a couple days at her apartment. It'd be fun. We'd go dress shopping and all that jazz. Since I haven't done ANY of that. And my aunt connie sent me an e-mail asking me what my size was because her step-daughter has a friend who used to have a wedding boutique on Nicollet and she still has some gowns and I'd probably be able to get a good deal on them. My friend Kelly from back at school said that David's Bridal is the way to go. Which would be nice for my bridesmaids, to get a discount on their dresses if they choose to get them from there.

Gotta go get more wedding stuff done and get psyched for work tomorrow. :-(

numb

I was having a great day yesterday. I felt really good for the first time in a long time. It was surprising since I had worked from 8 - 2:30. We went to go see Wedding Crashers. I thought it was pretty funny, and for all his protestations and whining Shaun liked it too. I was bubbly, cheerful, laughing... just overall happy. And no alcohol, either.

But then last night I found out that Shaun broke a promise to me. A promise that I took rather seriously. And that he'd been breaking it repeatedly since he'd made it. And knew he had made a promise he was breaking and didn't tell me and didn't really care. I am unable to mention the topic of this promise, but finding out about it was like a punch in the stomach. It took the breath right out of me and made me feel nauseated. Like there was a hard knot in my gut. At first all it did was make me cry, but now my nose tickles a little but I don't feel much else. I really don't know what to make of that. He has repeated over and over again that he's sorry. When I told him that I couldn't trust him on that specific topic anymore he told me that he was going to sleep in the other room because he 'couldn't sleep in the same bed as someone who doesn't trust him.' Well, I do trust him (even though now when he makes promises I am going to take them with a shaker of salt) but who was the one who broke my trust? And then he couldn't sleep in the same room as me? Am I supposed to just instantly forgive him for the fact that he knowingly broke this promise to me and didn't want to tell me about it? Hardly. Trust, once broken, is something that is not freely given. It has to be re-earned. And proven over and over again.

Just so's you all know...

I'm not dead... yet. If it were up to me, I'd cut my feet off. Or even my legs. I cannot believe how stiff and sore I am!! The $100-odd Nikes I got aren't so comfy... they're too small. They hurt my big toenail. But the half size up was too big... they flopped on my feet. Oh, well. I think I might get some Dr. Scholl's gel soles or something. ANYthing. I walked 3.5 miles today. Inside a Target. Kinda sad. I worked 5-11 Wed-Fri and then 12-8:30 today. 8-2:30 tomorrow, 8-12 Monday (SHORT DAY!! YAAY!, 5-11 Wednesday and 8-4:30 Friday. I picked up a shift for Thursday from 4:30 - 11 (close, which could be anytime from 10 - ?. I got out at 11:40 two nights and 12 a.m. Friday). I don't know why, other than Shaun won't be here. He has an interview at Hormel in Austin, MN Thursday. He'll drive back and get here at 8:30 and then go to bed for work Friday. We'll leave at 5 Friday night for Hinckley. I haven't been home since Jean's wedding. So, a month. I miss my family. It was nice getting to talk to my dad on the phone today, though. I haven't seen him since the end of June, and that was for only a couple of hours.

I did operator last night, which means answering the phone, re-hanging up and organizing the dressing room clothes, and zoning Men's and Shoes. There's clearance flip flops, they're supposed to be organized by style and size. Haha. Yeah, right. A good fifth of them were on the floor. I just made sure they were organized by size. And John told me that I did a good job as operator since most people can't figure out the phones the first night. Even though I did screw up by not abbreviating one department over the walkies. Oh, well. I'll never do it again. Today I did pulls, which means taking stock from the back and putting it where it belongs. And the stuff on these things will be from one end of the damn store to the other. In the same box, even. I'd go from electronics (back) to personal (front) to home (middle) to wherever again. And you can't organize it because otherwise nothing will fit on the cart again. Cashiering is still my fav. I found out that working at Food Ave or Starbucks is 5 on the pay scale and currently I'm getting a 3. I'm hoping to prove myself by only being told things once. Not that it's really all that hard. It doesn't engage my brain. Not challenging. Just get stock on the shelves, make sure it looks good, and provide fast, friendly service. And being nice to everyone. I guess it's a big deal to even get considered for hiring there since if they don't like you they won't hire you. And they're picky. That's what the word on the DL is, anyway.

The mystique of Target is wearing off.

First day of work! (kinda boring)

Well, it was quite a day yesterday. Did nothing until I had to get ready for work at 4. (I was scheduled to work from 5 - 11) I was too nervous to eat supper. Pork chops aren't my fave anyways. But I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do when I got there. My temporary discount card was tacked to the corkboard so I entered my number and it, of course, didn't work. So I asked John who is softlines exec team leader what I was supposed to do, he told me to add a '0' to the beginning. I did that, it didn't work. John tried multiple times, it still didn't work. So I still wasn't in the system. Then I had to put my training schedule back in my locker and I didn't know how to get it unlocked. Same way you lock them. I was so nervous I didn't even notice the stupid stickers telling you how! Oh, well. I can look like a moron, I don't care. So then they send me out to the front lines to learn how to become a cashier. So I was reading the manual and this guy, Adam, tells me that I don't really need to read it. Anyways, I didn't get all the way through it before Katie (the GS exec) told me to watch someone else for a while. Well, I watched her do like, two transactions, then she asked me if I wanted to do it myself. So I said yeah. Well, it was all going fine, then it got busy. Target has a 1 + 1 rule, which means one person currently getting checked out and then one waiting. More than that you're supposed to request additional assistance. So the girl I was watching went and had to go on other lines. Then this lady came through and first I hit chash when she gave me a check. Then the check wouldn't go through. It took probably about 4 minutes to get her through. And while you're logged in the software keeps track of speed of transactions. You are supposed to have a 'G' at 88%. 'G' means green. There's also yellow and red. So that and this other lady, and a traveler's check killed my average. The other lady was all ready to go then her kid changed her mind about what candy she wanted and it took her 2 mintues to decide she wanted what she originally had. And the check reader wouldn't read the check. After that I did zoning, which is rearranging clothes by size and style and evenly spacing them on the bar. Takes forever. And my feet were killing me. It's been so long since I stood on my feet forever! While I was cashiering a girl (seems like everyone I work with is 17 years old!) told me that if you work till close (which is 10) sometimes you get out at 10:15, but usually not until 11 (like I was scheduled) but sometimes you don't get out till past midnight. So the big thing all night was what time we were going to get out at. Turns out it was 11:40. And I hadn't gone to the bathroom in all that time, so I was dying. That and hunger. And pain. Well, anyways, Shaun and I hadn't had a very good parting. I wanted to be told one more time everything was going to be ok (because I didn't know what to do when I got there) but he thought all I wanted was a kiss, so he stayed on the couch and I left. But I walked out to my car and there was a Hershey's bar and a rose in my seat. I stood there and looked around but didn't see him. I thought he did that and left since he had to get up at 5:30 in the morning. But he was sitting in the parking lot and walked over to me. I was going to stop at Taco Bell but I just decided not to and headed straight back to P-town with Shaun. I sat in bed and read my book to wind down and listened to the wonderful absence of Shaun's snore (he got some stuff that he saw in Cargo that said it worked - and it does!!! YAAY!). Then I got up at 9:30 this morning and I get to work 5-11 tonight and tomorrow. Let's just hope it's 11 this time!

Also, I'm totally digging Denison Witmer. He's folk/indie. http://www.myspace.com/denisonwitmer When I get some $$ I'll have to purchase the disc.

Bad news

I'm saddened. I just found out that my great-uncle Bibs passed away at about 9 p.m. last night from cancer. My dad rushed home from by Yellowstone (he got home at about 7 last night) just so that he could see him before he passed but didn't get the chance.

And all of this makes me worried. I wonder how many more people in my family are going to be struck with this disease. And we never know what kind it's going to be. Or what age, for that matter. I now try to not go in the sun as much as I can, and once I get decent health coverage, I am going to go into the dermatologists and get my 'iffy' moles removed. Of the nine family members that have had it, five of them have survived it. Of those five, two passed away from complications of the cancer (treatment, etc).

Hopefully the worst is over. I just think about if this happens to my parents or brother... I'd seriously crack up. I don't know how I'd deal.

I like to think of myself as funny...

...even though that happens a lot less nowadays. But I like this test! :)

:::Edit: I had to delete the results from here and put them on my Xanga account because it was too big for this page! But here it is, in its full glory:

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=zurichaz

--~--Weekend Update--~--

Friday - We didn't do all that much. Thought about going to a movie but Shaun was too tired.

Saturday - We went to Mequon (Northwest of Oshkosh) for Shaun's mom's side family reunion. It was by a lake and it was really pretty. I played a little D for kickball with all of the little kids. Wish we had brought a suit, the lake looked lovely. We stopped in Fond du Lac so Shaun could play a round of disc golf. He had just ordered one offline so he wanted to try it out. He was disappointed that it was dimpled (so it wouldn't fly as well). Then we went back to Plymouth and ate supper at Antoinette's. Shaun had a panini that he said was really good and I had fettucine alfredo that was meah. No flavor. Then once again we debated about going to a movie but Shaun still didn't feel like it. I wanted to see the Wedding Crashers since I've heard it's funny but Shaun doesn't want to really. Even though I saw Willy Wonka with him. :( Boys.

Sunday - Going to sleep Saturday we had said that we were going to go to church in the morning, but when I woke up I didn't feel like getting stared at. So we didn't go. We left at 11:30-ish to go to Milwaukee. I needed red shirts for work. Shaun told me to get only one, but there was no way I was only going to have one red shirt for 5 days of work. Lots of washing. Finally found some, one at JC Penny and two at Old Navy, even though those were more maroonish. I was hoping that they would work. Then after supper we went to the Gallagher's to socialize Callie with their dog Abby. Well Abby was on a leash and was intimidated by Callie (I guess last time C humped A - Leanne was disturbed by that but I had just read an article saying that it's a dominance thing) so all she did was cower. So they took Abby off of the leash and the dogs chased each other around the yard, then Abby took off. And ran down the road. There were 5 people chasing her. She's a miniature poodle, and she can jump and run super fast. Took 20 minutes for Leanne to catch her finally. after that we kept her on a leash but let her drag it, same with C. They're easier to catch that way. But they started getting along by the end of the evening. Which is good since over vacation C is going to stay at the Gallagher's. Then we came home and I nearly finished the book I was reading.

Today - Went to Target at 8:30 and went through orientation. A retired lady named Nancy went through it with me. I have no idea what to claim on my W2. Grr. But I did get the 20 - 28th off for burying my Grandma and vacation. And Jenny Mickey's wedding. From now on I have to make sure I request time off three weeks in advance, so if you want to hang out with me, you'll have to let me know that far in advance! Haha. Which reminds me, I have to make sure I get homecoming weekend off! Kristin, the HR executive was my age or a little older, but not by much. Then I was re-introduced to Jason who interviewed me for Team Lead position, which I obviously didn't get. But I get a discount on everything, on sale or not. Which is cool. But bad, too. I found out shades of red are O.K. for shirts, as long as they aren't pink, purple or orange. So I guess maroon is alright. And of course they don't give me two days off in a week. Lots of 5-11 shifts. Yeuck. Oh, well. Hopefully after training I can ask for less evening hours, but they told me that they think 3-4 nights a week when I interviewed, so I doubt it.


:::Edit: I stand corrected. We went to Waupaca, not Mequon. I can't keep all of these crazy Wisconsin names straight. They all sound the same to me, whether they start with a W or M.

Also, I've walked. 1.2 miles so far- and that was just at Target! WITH 4 hours of sitting. This job should be good for me!

GOOD survey

This one goes a little bit more in-depth than your usual surveys, so I like it. Thanks, Jean! :)


1.Have you ever punched a wall? once when I was angry - but I was afraid to punch it too hard since it was crappy paperboard
2.Does it bother you when fingernails scrape a chalkboard? Yes... but what drives me even CRAZIER is when styrofoam is rubbing on styrofoam and queaking! I just want to shoot myself when I hear that...
3.Do you have a landscaped yard? Well, Shaun's parent's yard is...
4.Do you meditate? No
5.Do you always have to be right? I don't always have to be but I really like it... especially when I can prove Shaun wrong. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't have a thing where he's 'never wrong, and if so, only 3 times a year'.
6.What would you do if you had only 1 hour left to live? Spend 'personal' time with Shaun and then eat chocolate, haha.
7.Have you eaten paper? Probably
8.Have you ever milked a cow? YES! On our kindergarten tour of Jean's farm! Haha!
9.Do you have any full spectrum lightbulbs? No
10.What is your favorite gem? Diamonds or Tanzanite
11.Have you danced by the light of the moon? No
12.Do you think of age 50 as being old? Right now, kinda, but when I get older I doubt it. I guess it also depends on my physical health at 50, too.
13.Do you like almonds or cashews the best? Almonds. Cashew nuts are just above the bottom of the list, which is Brazil nuts.
14.Would you buy an iMac computer? Only if it was a G5. Those things are awesome. Shaun has a PC and always will so no worries. :)
15.Have you gone on many blind dates? None
16.Do you think same-sex marriage should be legal? I think same-sex unions should be legal so that everybody can get the same legal benefits. I think marriage should only be for a man and a woman. (I agree with you Jean)
17.Are you analytical? Overly so.
18.Do you tend to go with the flow, or wade upstream all by yourself? I go with the flow usually
19.When a stranger drops something, do you attempt to pick it up? Probably
20.Has someone done something extra nice for you today? Nope.
21.Are you a private person? Depends on what and who
22.Name one thing you would never eat. Fear Factor food, anything with tentacles or shells
23.Did/do you have a crush on any of your teachers? Nope
24.Do you think having sex in a car is uncomfortable? Nigh unto impossible
25.Do you have any friends you are embarassed to be seen with? No. Why be friends with people you don't want to be seen with? Pointless.
26.Do you excite easily? Depends on who or what is being said
27.Do you think Winnie the Pooh is a stupid name? Yep. I don't much care for Winnie the Pooh.
28.Do you drink and drive? No, and anyone who does is someone (to me, anyway) is among the lowest of the low.
29.Do you like to gamble? I've never won, so I don't see the purpose of wasting what little money I have
30.Do you allow animals on your furniture? Don't have any pets, but if I did yes to cats (they're harder to keep track of) and no to dogs.
31.Have you ever been lost in a bad part of a city? Yes, during rush hour in Minneapolis.
32.Do you live near your birthplace? Right now I'm 6.5 hours away
33.Would you rather have mint ot fruit flavored gum? Mint!
34.Do you use petroleum jelly? Not unless I have a nose cold
35.Do you have road rage? I swear at people who do stupid things, but that's all the further it gets
36.Who is more passive, your mother or father? I'd hav eto say my mom
37.Do you watch TOO MUCH football? Nope.
38.Do you ever feel braindead? yes
39.Are you more decisive or indecisive? Indecisive
40.Have you ever eaten grass? Yes. And clover, and honeysuckle
41.When you hear the song "Puff the Magic Dragon" what do you think of? this tape we used to have and my mom, brother and I would sing to it
42.Are more of a conservative or a liberal? Politically I'm more liberal, but I have no choice but to live conservatively. (haha)
43.Do you ever eat food right out of cans and jars instead of using plates or bowls? Nope.
44.Are you desperate for attention? Not usually. I don't mind when I feel like I'm looking good, though. ;-)
45.Does your mind ever go blank? Yes
46.Have you ever gone swimming in a golf course pond? No, yuck
47.Have you ever trespassed on private property? Probably
48.Do you know anyone who lives under a bridge? Nope.
49.What smells worse than skunk spray? Dead rotting animals in hot weather, rendering trucks in hot weather, liquid cow manure, this one guy who used to come into the computer lab's B.O. (I was surprised his shhirt didn't just fall off from the acids eating it)
50.Do you have a washer and dryer? Yep, just down the hall
51.Have you ever met anyone interesting at a laundrymat? No, most people there scare me
52.Do you have any recurring dreams? A couple of them
53.Are you kind? I try to be
54.Are you fair? I try to be
55.Would you give a needy person the shirt off your back? If I was wearing an undershirt.
56.Do you ever ride a bike instead of taking a car? Not usually.
57.Does the sight of blood make you feel queasy? No, that stuff doesn't usually get to me
58.Would you rather be a plumber or a circus freak? Plumber, it seems more practical
59.Have you ever kissed in the rain? Probably
60.Have you ever been pregnant? No
61.Have you ever broken a mirror? Not that I can remember
62.Have you broken any bones? Nope
63.Can you do cartwheels? Haha, no.
65.Were you a wild child? Nope.
66.Are you shy around the opposite sex? Yep
67.Do you cuss frequently? Not really
68.Are you content right now? Kinda - mostly
69.What over the counter pain killer do you use? Whatever is at hand
70.Did you notice the last number was 69? Didn't at all
71.Do you like giraffes? Yep, they're cute
72.Have you answered a booty call? I've never gotten a booty call
73.What's your favorite candy bar? Toblerone or Ritter Sport
74.Can you name all 7 dwarfs from Snow White? Dopey, Doc, Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, Bashful, that's only 6 huh? Number 7 would be...Thrifty? I totally can't remember! Jean - It's Sneezy, I had to look it up I was so stumped
75.Favorite Kool-Aid flavor: I just had some fruit punch... it's sooo sugary! I'd have to use a substitute...

Pedometer

When I went to Wal-Mart to get my prescription I bought a pedometer. I think as a goal I am going to set 2 miles a day. Power walking miles. Reasonable?

Rock bottom?

So, today I realized that I am a food-a-holic. Completely addicted to food. Can't live without it. Well, duh, I can't live with out it, but I can't live with it, either. Can't keep it to normal portion sizes. I had a bowl of honey nut cheerios and then sat and thought about how effing depressing it all is (food stuff, where I'm at in my life, etc.) and started crying. At least it wasn't bawling. So what do I do to feel better? Eat two chocolate pudding snack packs. Which, of course, only makes me feel worse. Emotional eating has always been my downfall. Now I am going to ask the cliche question: Why, God, why?!?! As bad of a person as this makes me (please forgive me), I look at ugly skinny people and wonder why the skinniness was 'wasted' on them. Why couldn't it have been me being skinny? Why couldn't I be like my mom, dad or brother? But no. That isn't what God has planned for me. Maybe this is supposed to make me tougher but all it has done is make my life hell. My nurse practitioner that I see for girly stuff told me that her sister is the same way and she has finally come to realize that being big is 'just her' and she has learned to love and live with herself, and that I should learn to do that. Shey says I'm healthy in every other way but my weight, so I don't really have any reasons to lose weight. But I can't learn to love myself like this. I am sooo not happy like this! And it only gets worse. I know what the healthy things to lose weight are, but it's so daunting! And it seems like you don't get anywhere. I hate having to make self-deprecating remarks about myself. I hate having little boys at Wal-Mart point at me and tell their brother 'that girl's fat'. I hate myself. No wonder I can't do anything with my life. The negative feelings I have for myself must manifest in some way. But I must do this like any other person must. The hard way. I almost wish I could get my stomach stapled. Almost.

Sorry for the pity party for one. I didn't decide to do this for sympathy, I just needed to get it out there and feel like maybe someone would read it.


On a 'brighter' note, Target called me back today. I have my orientation at 8:30 Monday morning. I'm thinking about going home and seeing my mom. I'm dying here. But I can't really afford it.

My life since Thursday

Thursday night we went to the bandstand here in P-town to listen to some German music. We ended up arguing and then working things out.

Friday I got a phone call from David's Bridal saying that my bridesmaid's dress has come in and they ask that I get it within a week. So I talked to Shaun and told him I'd like to go down there that evening and he said, "We'll see how I feel". So he goes and relaxes and reads a book and I take a nap. Well, two hours later he finally comes and asks me what I want to do. Well, duh, I already told you that so I said nothing hoping he'd figure it out. No dice. So we get into an arguement about that. Then we discuss it and hopefully have it worked out again. Two days in a row? Ridiculous. We're hungry and by this time it's basically pointless to go to Milwaukee so we go to Applebee's in Sheboygan to have supper. Come back, go to bed.

Saturday we go to Milwaukee. Can't pick up the dress on the weekends, though. So we go to Michael's so I can get more ribbon for the invitations. We call Cory to see what he's up to and he is going to the Brewers game that night since he has season tickets. We decide to go too, since we'd been kicking it around. So him, Kelsey and Angie sat in their seats and Shaun and I sat in some semi-crappier ones. Wouldn't have been so bad but the guy next to me was a photographer and he was always in my space taking pictures. Annoying. Oh, well though. About the best part of the game was when a foul ball went near the stands and this guy leaning over the rail to get the ball actually fell off of it onto his bum. Haha. Then we dropped the other three off at Cory's truck and we took off for home.

Sunday we decided not to go to church, Shaun having decided every other week is enough to look like he's putting in some effort. Oi. The we went boating for a few hours. I decided that my lower legs needed some more color to them so I didn't put on any sunblock. I found out they were sunburned when I tried shaving them. Ouch. Cory wanted us to come down to see Pat but we couldn't even afford the $10 total to get in. Cory offered us a drink and to pay the difference of entrance if it was more than $5 which was really sweet, but he needed that money too because him and Luana were going to Kansas this week. Hope her car has AC! He called us but Shaun of course didn't call him back. We left at about 1:30 to go home and do laundry and what not. I cut and folded more ribbons up until I ran out of adhesives. I found (well, re-discovered) a cool website called www.save-on-crafts.com. As you can tell from the name, it's right up my alley. ;-)

Yesterday I slept until 9:30. I think it's because after Shaun (and his super loud snoring) leaves I sleep double hard to catch up on the crappy sleep I got all night. That's my theory anyway. But I woke up after a crazy dream. I can't remember much of it, but it was a looong one. I then got dressed and when Shaun's mom came home she set me to making spaghetti sauce, which I promptly got over my white shirt and khaki shorts. It came out, anyways. Shaun came home at 1:45 so he could get ready for his phone interview with Hormel Foods at 2. They're going to get back to him on Monday to let him know either way what happens. If the engineering department likes him then they'll let him set up an on-site interview at his leisure. It's in Austin, Minnesota. Which I would love, but wherever one of us gets a good job at I'll be happy. He got a check from Flambeau Plastics last week for his mileage. But no rejection letter yet. Yaay! Even though it's been since JUNE. Argh! So we went down to Brookfield to get my dress. It looks fine. I saw all these teeny little girls trying on their wedding dresses and that made me sad. That's why I haven't gone to get my dress yet. It's depressing. Hoping to be a size 16 at least by then. Here's hoping. We stopped at Hobby Lobby in West Bend on the way back for more adhesives. Joy.

Crazy Questions

1. First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Baustian
2. Last person you kissed: Shaun
3. Last word you said: Thanks
4. Last song you sang: Crawling, from Linkin Park's Reanimation CD
5. Last person you hugged: Shaun. I only have Shaun to hug right now.
6. Last thing you laughed at: the words "boobicles", "Hooters", and "knockers".
7. What's in your CD player: well, we don't have an out-and-out CD player so I have the aforementioned CD in my car's CD player
9. What socks are you wearing: No socks, a comforter
10. What's under your bed: Some of Nathan's band posters
11. Current status: engaged
12. Current taste (mouth): none
13. Current hair style: in a hair clippie
14. Current clothes: shorts, tank top, over shirt
15. Current Job: nothing. maybe target, if they ever get back to me. I'm not to impressed with them right now.
16. Current longing: a mint and hot fudge sundae from Culver's
17. Current desktop picture: a 3D rendering of northern lights reflected on a lake with pine trees
18. Current worry: being able to get everything done for my wedding and paying for it
19. Current hate: Being lazy and having nothing to do
20. Story behind your username: sounded different and I wasn't being too creative that day
21. Current favorite article of clothing: My new brown haltertop swimsuit (that I can't wear without a shirt over it anyways)
22. Favorite physical feature(s): eyes, I guess
23. CD that you bought: That's tough. I guess the Garden State Soundtrack
24. Favorite place to be: erm... that's tough. I guess at home with my mom.
25. Least favorite place: for now, shaun's parent's house
26. Time you wake up in the morning: Usually 8:30-ish, but today it was 9:30.
27. If you could play a new instrument, what would it be? violin, cello, or harp
29. Current favorite word/saying: don't really have one I guess, Shaun couldn't think of one
30. Favorite book: I'm changing this to series: Heralds of Valdemar
31. Favorite Movies: A Little Princess, Harry Potter(s), The Wedding Planner, Pirates of the Caribbean, etc.
32. Favorite Songs: My Immortal: Evanessence; Let Go: Frou Frou; Moanin': Ray Charles
33. Whatís your favorite car?: Aston Martin, but to be reasonable, any hybrid car that has decent horsepower.
34. One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: My Grandma Sprouls. I guess my family's burying her on the 21st. (She was cremated so no worries)
35. Favorite day: Saturday
36. Where do you want to go: Australia,Hawaii, Greece, Rome, Caribbean
37. What is your career going to be: whatever pays me a decent wage and doesn't completely suck
39. What kind of car will you have: good question. Probably an Audi A4/6, VW Jetta or Passat, or an Acura TSX
40. A random lyric: my head hurts so right now :(
41. Eye Color: blue
42. Hair Color: light brown
43. Righty or Lefty: lefty
45. Zodiac Sign: Leo
46.Innie or Outtie: Innie

DESCRIBE...
47. Your heritage: Swedish, Norweigan, German mostly - a little bit of other nationalities, too.
48. The shoes you wore today: Doc Marten sandals
49. Your hair: just hits my shoulders, medium brown with caramel lowlights
50. Your weakness: chocolate/ice cream/mexican, internet, books
51. Your fears: miserably failing at my life, being poor, family members dying young
52. Your most recent secret?: None, really - kinda past the 'secrets' stage of my life
54. Your thoughts first waking up: slept too late, reallly crazy dream, though
55. The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: smile/eyes
56. Your bedtime: Between 10 and 11-ish
57. Your most missed companion: Anyone not in Plymouth!
58. Your perfect pizza: Mondo cheese or Taco from DeO'Malley's
59. Sweet and Chewy or Salty and Crunchy: too close to call
60. Single or group dates: Single usually
61. Dogs or Cats: cats - I've had my fill of needy little doogies
62. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton, I think. But I'm currently hooked on their green tea with citrus
63. Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate wins any day, but I'll eat vanilla, too! (big surprise, right?)
64. Cappuccino or coffee?: Mocha Latte

DO YOU...
65. Smoke: never ever
66. Curse: more than I wish I did
67. Sing: love to!!!!
68. Take a shower everyday: usually... sometimes I get too lazy, but when I've been working out - no doubt about it
69. Have a crush: don't know if you'd call it a crush, but if so, Shaun
71. Think you've been in love: currently participating in that state of mind
72. Want to go to college: maybe a master's some day.. . . . . .
73. Want more than what you got: yeah, I want my own place and a cooler car
74. Want to get married: give it a little under 6 months
75. Worry: yep. I'm going to die a premature death from worrying about everything
76. Think you're attractive: sometimes
77. Think you're a health freak: not really
78. Get along with your parents: Yes
79. Play an instrument: no, wish I did, just didn't seem to have the aptitude for it

IN THE PAST 3 months:
80. Had an alcoholic beverage: Yep
82. Done a drug: yeah, caffiene
83. Made Out: don't know if you would call it making out. more like chaste kissing
84. Gone on a date: we go do stuff (like get dinner and watch a movie) but we never behave like it's a date and we never call them a date so does that mean we go on dates?
85. Eaten an entire box of Oreo's: bleck, no. I do have some self control. Like only a pint of ice cream at a time. (haha)
86. Eaten sushi: tried it at a chinese buffet once. I don't think that that is the place to try it at.
87. Been dumped: No
88. Made homemade cookies: yes. And banana bread.
89. Been in love: Yes
90. Gone skinny dipping: nope
91. Dyed your hair: nope - been a while now!
92. Stolen anything: No

HAVE YOU EVER..
93. Had too much to drink: never to the point of puking, but to the point of being really dizzy
94. Been caught cheating: nope
95. Been called a tease: Yes
96. Gotten beaten up: No
97. Changed who you were to fit in: probably.
98. Cried at something beautiful: Yes. But I usually get goosebumps
99. Spent too much money on something you didn't need? yeah. and that's saying something since I have no $$
100. Cried when someone died?: yes.