I was having a great day yesterday. I felt really good for the first time in a long time. It was surprising since I had worked from 8 - 2:30. We went to go see Wedding Crashers. I thought it was pretty funny, and for all his protestations and whining Shaun liked it too. I was bubbly, cheerful, laughing... just overall happy. And no alcohol, either.
But then last night I found out that Shaun broke a promise to me. A promise that I took rather seriously. And that he'd been breaking it repeatedly since he'd made it. And knew he had made a promise he was breaking and didn't tell me and didn't really care. I am unable to mention the topic of this promise, but finding out about it was like a punch in the stomach. It took the breath right out of me and made me feel nauseated. Like there was a hard knot in my gut. At first all it did was make me cry, but now my nose tickles a little but I don't feel much else. I really don't know what to make of that. He has repeated over and over again that he's sorry. When I told him that I couldn't trust him on that specific topic anymore he told me that he was going to sleep in the other room because he 'couldn't sleep in the same bed as someone who doesn't trust him.' Well, I do trust him (even though now when he makes promises I am going to take them with a shaker of salt) but who was the one who broke my trust? And then he couldn't sleep in the same room as me? Am I supposed to just instantly forgive him for the fact that he knowingly broke this promise to me and didn't want to tell me about it? Hardly. Trust, once broken, is something that is not freely given. It has to be re-earned. And proven over and over again.
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A leisurely-paced blog about my life.
1 comment:
No emotion.. I know how that feels. When you have reached a point when you just cant take anymore and you go thoughtless or completely numb, like nothing can affect you. Sometimes you wish that you can go back there just so you dont have to feel the tingly effects afterwards. they always hurt no matter what people think.
Its not worth feeling like this all the time.. that's why I dont let the shit in my everyday life get to me and infect those around me. When I leave home I enter a whole new world. This how i love my work world all the time. A place where I can go where people give me the respect that i deserve.
Not to say that the days are not absolute shit and i want to shake to death some of the people i work with but all in all good days.
until i hear from you again
Jen
oh i am going to post this on my website too.. what i wrote not what you wrote.
Jen again
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