The NEW place...

...is scary for multiple reasons. I think that it should have been evident from the price of rent at this place that, even though we're in a 'nicer' suburb, this place JUST might be the mecca of the saddest people this town has to offer.

So. Monday night, due to the fact that I was getting pissed off by Shaun's snoring and his subsequent disregard of my feelings, I decided to spend an oh-so-comfy night on the floor in the living room. With the cats. I decided to read for a little while to wait for my slightly frayed nerves to calm down. I could hear someone getting into a car outside below my apartment. My car was parked in the first spot by the door, and I could see it from the one vertical blind that was missing from the blinds covering our (shockingly) sizeable deck. "H'mm, wonder who this is," I thought. And also, "Is my car alright? Is the flashing red light that means 'security system enabled' flashing?" Well, it was. So I sat down to read some more on the comfiest floor this side of the Mississippi. The car that I had lost interest in backed up behind other cars and sat there running. There was a girl and a guy inside. He was vaguely scary. She looked like... well, like someone I wouldn't choose to be friends with. I heard it running, leaned over to look, and figured that they were waiting for someone. I decided at about this time that maybe it was time for some sleep and before that, possibly some spying. So I got up and turned off the lights. Then I walked over to the blinds and peered out. The man in the car decided to turn on his headlights, probably catching me in their glare. "Freaky," I thought. I couldn't help but wonder if possibly they were trying to scare me like some urban legend. Since they caught me, I decided that maybe this was the time to actually invest in some sleep. So I wiggled down into the most comfortable carpet this side of the continental divide, and tried to sleep. Then I hear the running car gun it, and pulled back into the spot that they had been parked in. With their lights still on. I couldn't help but wonder, "Were they trying to catch me peering out again? Are they going to come up here and knock on my door and try to kill me?" So at any rate, I just laid there snug as a bug in a rug and they apparently lost interest and zoomed loudly out of the parking lot. [Author's note: burned out mufflers do NOT equal 'cool custom sound']

The next night the husband and I were enjoying watching something on the 13" T.V. and our cable when this same car pulled out in front of our main doors and stopped. I informed the husband that yes, this is the car that on the previous evening, freaked me out. So we watched. The freaky looking guy and the girl that I wouldn't choose to be friends with looked like they were having a discussion. Their body posture exuded love and contentment. Then, out of nowhere, the car started rocking. The husband and I looked at each other in shock and awe. The freaky looking guy and the girl I wouldn't choose to be friends with were duking it out in the car, in front of the entire apartment complex which could view this affirmation of their love. I sat there barely being able to form words for the act, once in a while being able to clearly enunciate an "Oh, my God." The husband, meanwhile, was trembling with mirth. Eventually, this oh, so public display of... er... affection came to a close. There was some more obviously loving discussion, and then the girl I wouldn't choose to be friends with exited the vehicle, and carefully slammed the door shut. The freaky looking guy chose to show off his lack of vehicular taste and gunned out of our parking lot loudly. I wish I could say this was the end to this particular story, but a few hours later, the decibally challenged vehicle came back... with freaky looking guy and girl I wouldn't choose to be friends with firmly ensconced inside. The husband and I, collectively, decided that these two people were not our particular role models, and that, actually, they aren't particularly bright.

Once again, I wish I could say this was the end to this sad sad turn of events, but I do have one more tale to relate to you that will prove even more forcefully, the sad quality of tenants at this particular residence.

Tuesday night, the husband and I have reached a truce of sorts, being that I'll put up with his loud ah... breathing if I'll quit complaining about it. I had just woken up sometime during the night, over warm and unable to sleep again. Apparently my restless meanderings around the mattress kept the husband from enjoying his rest. He started to doze off again, when I heard loud knocking. I absolutely refused to believe that it was on our door, and was drifting off to misty sleep when the knocking resumed. Due to the fact that the freaky looking guy and girl I wouldn't choose to be friends with well, freaked me out and I was worried they were coming looking for me, I made the husband get up and answer the door. Now, most of the following is being related second hand. I will put my take on things in []. The husband mumbled out loud, "Now watch, it's the previous tenant's slightly inebriated friend coming to pay a visit." [This was also my thoughts] When the husband reaches the door, he looks out the peephole and sees no one. Then he hears, "Bryan, it's the cops. Answer your door."

"Uh-oh," thinks the husband. "I'd better open the door!" So he does, and sees only one cop. [I caught on to the plural of 'cop' much quicker than he did, apparently]

The police officer gives him a funny look, and asks, "Where's Bryan?" [Mind you, the husband is clad in nothing but boxers...] To which the husband replied, "He has removed himself and his belongings from the premises. We are now the current residents of this lovely apartment, we moved in on Thursday."

The police officer then apparently decides to belive him, and questions the husband further about whether he is aware of the whereabouts of the previous tenant, which the husband has assumed is called 'Bryan'. As the husband is being questioned, he keeps peeking around the corner. Apparently, this is suspicious to the police officer, and he asks of the husband, "What are you looking at?" To which the husband replies, "Just making sure that our baby felines do not try to escape to the freedom of the apartment hall." This apparently satisfies the police officer, and he thanks the husband for his time and apologizes for waking him up at 2 A.M. He turns to leave, and two more police officers come into the husband's range of vision, and ask him to call if he finds out anything. The husband then closes the door and comes back into the bedroom. We peer out the window, and espy three police cars and four police officers. Apparently, the police of this fine, fine city are very concerned with apprehending the previous tenant of our new, and very fine, apartment.